Anger management course for parents

I pulled my hubby along to attend a workshop by NUH to learn how to manage anger.

Haha not that we are losing it but
We want to assess whether is there better way to discipline our child without showing anger

These are what we learnt :
Anger is Not a bad thing
It is one of the emotions we experience as babies

Anger does not mean No discipline

Studies have shown that 2/3 of the parents admitted to feelings of anger
Venting of anger on child can result in child being more aggressive , low self esteem , less empathic , obey rules put of fear, escalation to bullying or child abuse

" acceptable " anger vs " unacceptable" anger

Factors that affect anger-
Stress
Lack of sleep
Lack of self care especially for mothers

Trigger thoughts + stress= anger

Trigger thoughts :
Assumed intents
Eg you are trying to test me deliberately
Magnification
Eg you never listen
Labelling
You are lazy

Labelling is as emotionally damaging as spanking

Alternative explanations for trigger thoughts
Eg I can cope , kids get wild .
He is trying to cope with his feelings and needs . It is not about me

Assertive communication

I feel ____
When you _______
I understand you are feeling ______
But mummy would like to see ( quote the action of change ) next time.

See through consequences
Time out , always calm your child down , in a firm tone , tell the child you are to stand in naughty corner for 1 min and mummy going to bring you back after 1 min.

Reflection : I and my hubby learnt a lot
And learnt to control our tongue especially when we are angry.
It is good to have small group sharing as we realise we are not alone in handling difficult children.
Despite being trained in special needs and being a teacher , I realise I have less patience with my own child than with others .

Let your child be who God wants her to be

It is always easy to say
I have no expectations for my child

Yet speaks differently in actions

I am
So that parent

Before my child is born
I pray she will be happy
Kind
Intelligent
And love God

After she is born
I panicked she is over active
Cannot sit still
Cannot read
Cannot focus
Worry this worry that
And of cos like many kiasu parents
I sent her to expensive enrichment

And gets angry and frustrated
With her
Because she wastes $$ by walking around in class
Not able to focus

Finally I gave up
Forcing her to learn " with my own strength "

Stopped all sorts of classes
And instead spent more time with her

Now at 25months
She can speak sentences
Express herself
Read on her own
And ask "what is this "
Prays with clutched fists and says "amen "

God just let her be who she is
All without our help
Amazing

Weekend parents

Nowadays it's so common to hear kids staying with nanny or grandparents for the week and only get to see their parents during weekends .

And parents are so called themselves " weekend parents"
They fulfil their parenting duty only during weekends and left parenting during weekdays to their nanny or grandparents.

There is no right or wrong to these type of parents

However as an educator and a parent,
I saw quite a few kids having behaviour or academic difficulty due to lack of attention from their parents.
it is sad to see these kids innocent as they are in their age yet lost in direction , suffering the consequences to these parents " busyness " .

Last week , I called a parent informing the coming term test for his child. And encouraged this parent to spend some time with the child as he is weak in the subject .

The parent was totally oblivious of the coming test and missed out the notifications given out by the school one month ago. He gave the excuse " busy with work ", and said he may not have time to teach the child.
And asked me whether i can give extra tuition for his child weak in the subject .
Instead of taking responsibility , he basically threw " the ball" back at me.

Sad and disappointed I am with this parent ...sigh

" begin with an end in mind"
how you see your child succeed in life ?
What is your vision for your child?

If you can spend time with your Facebook, iPad or iPhone , why not a few minutes with your child ?

Ready for 2nd child

A question often asked by many
And a question I asked myself too
"am I ready ?"

I am going to be 35 soon , feeling a bit panicky becoz of age
But concerned whether I can cope with 2

My child presently is 2, not yet toilet trained
Very active and attention seeker
Though independent by nature
She still seeks companionship

Praying
Praying

Maybe God will make a way

I must have faith
And be more courageous

But I feel already so tired with just 1 child
How to have another ?

I want to be a responsible parent
To be with them
Not just throw them with maid or nanny or grandparents

Really a struggle

When I have no child , I dread being bored with hubby at home

Now with 1 child
You hope to have ME time everyday
At least to sleep more
To go for long haul travelling

Sigh ...
Dilemma
Tired
Fatigued
Biological clock running out
Hmmm
Pray
Pray
Pray

The bags I bought online came

I thought they will never come .. Cos there was no response from the website when I emailed them

The package came from china

It was expected ... The authentic fake
Reasonable price for the imitation

Let's see

Phonics at 2 yrs old

Too early ?
A parent advises me to send child to learn phonics as early as 2 yrs as she regretted not sending her child earlier .

For me
Learning language is a holistic approach
The environment plays a big role
Parents , teachers , peers play a role playing and reinforcing role

Language is learnt thru daily activities and not just learnt by going for once a week lesson.

I gave up sending my ger to enrichment when she started to get bored with the activities and walked around in class.

Save me lots of $$

Instead I spent more time with her talking to her
Playing with her
She learnt so much faster than going for classes

Worldly Christians

"To be in the world but not of this world "
Easy to be surrounded by the materialistic stuff of the world

It makes it worse when non Christians look at you
No different. From them

Religion ?
Relationship ?
Or just following the people

My child is sick again :(

After sending her to this childcare, she kept falling sick ...
After her fight of chicken pox, my childcare leave was exhausted :(
I have no more leave
My hubby just changed job, dun have any leave at all...
Feel so helpless ESP when my child falls sick and I am unable to be there' in time
So guilty as well, is there a better way?
To have it all , $$ , family and job satisfaction ?

Buying bags online

Despite hearing lots of scam frauds , I took a risk to buy handbags online .

Surprisingly, the agent emailed me the next day to confirm my details. Thereafter emailed me of the delivery of my stuff.

I am still waiting for the delivery , hope it's worth the wait and bargain .

My dad

My dad is diagnosed to have kidney failure when I was in p6. He went thru 4 yrs of kidney dialysis. It had been so painful and tough on him, going thru dialysis and working for keep his family fed.
Thank God for keeping him alive for so many years after his transplant .
Now that his transplant kidney is failing , he may need to go thru dialysis again

I am sad but I can only pray ..
Pray that God sustain him and keeps him happy , positive and less pain while going thru his dialysis ...

And that he comes to know God soon

Rachel calling me "mummy "

The most fulfilling thing being a mum is to be called by your own child "mummy".
All your sorrows, fears and pain seem to disappear once she calls out to you:)

I really enjoy hearing her calling me

Blog resurrected

I promise to resurrect my blog post more regularly

MY BABY GIRL: RACHEL TAN ERN TING

HI MY NAME IS RACHEL TAN ERN TING

I AM 3 MONTHS OLD NOW

DRINKING SIMILAC MILK AND MUMMY'S MILK

I LOVE MUSIC AND LOVE TO LOOK AT FACES

I AM LEARNING TO GRASP OBJECTS AND SMILE AT PEOPLE

MY FAV TOY IS MY PINK CARE BEAR

I GET REALLY FUSTRATED IF I AM HUNGRY

I WILL BITE MY MITTENS AND KICK MY LEGS

WHEN I AM HAPPY, I WILL SMILE

AND COO COO AT YOU

My Breast feeding experience

BREAST MILK IS SO GOOD ... (sing God is so good..)

i know the wonderful advantages of breastfeeding...
you can read them in lots of books....breastfeeding has the best nutrients for your baby ...
BUT books never tell you...breastfeeding is TOUGH...

i really ADMIRE mummies who manage to breastfeed their babies fully without any form of supplements or milk...

i have tried...only for 2 weeks...unfortunately after casearean , my body didnt have enuf rest..so breastfeeding make it worse...i collapsed...

it is NOT that breastfeeding is not good...but the fact is not everyone can do it...
i think BREAST FEEDING OVERLY PUBLICISED AND EMPHASIZED ....
so much so it becomes a form of stress for new mothers...

PROS of breast feeding:
no need to sterilize bottles
just feed
you pass antibodies to bb
fresh and delicious
bonding with bb
intimate


CONS:
you have no ideas how much your bb drinks...
if your bb like mine...hungry will go "ferocious" ...better give bottle milk..before your parents and in laws say why bb still so hungry
very tiring to feed her in the wee morning...you dun get enuf sleep cos bb would want to drink
FISH FISH ...you get so sick of eating it...but you hve no choice if you wan to provide plenty of milk
breast engorged when you dun breastfeed....PAINFUL!

AT the end of day, MY ADVICE: DUN FORCE YOURSELF...
JUST do what you are comfortable...