Reaching out to ASIAN Parents : interview with Rev Ong Beng Khee

An Interview with Rev Oh Beng Khee
Have you ever wanted to evangelize to your Asian parents but find yourself at a loss as to how to go about it? Or do you come from a different culture but have a heart for elderly Asians?

How can we reach out to older people? We can do so with passion and love. A vision and burden in your heart to care for the elderly is important. It is easy to deal with people of the same age, language, background, interests and education, but difficult to look out for and share with the elderly due to various differences.

Include them in your prayer list and heart. We find that in the 1970s, the Spirit was reviving the youths and they faced persecution from their parents. Towards the end of the 1980s, the Spirit of the Lord was moving among the professional people. Since the mid 1990s, the direction has been shifted towards the elderly people whose hearts have been changed and are thronging into the church, but they experience persecution from the young the situation has been reversed. It is easier to get the elderly people to church rather than the young nowadays. You can see this in the fast growing dialect speaking Christian groups. We have to ask God to forgive us for neglecting this group of people. We have little or no programs for the elderly and no knowledge on how to deal with them. Time is running out for these people and death is an impending threat to the unsaved. They are precious because of their experience in life. You are aging as well.

Treat the elderly people preciously as a guide for the young people in the future. Moreover, the elderly carry 'weight' in the family. By turning the hearts of the elderly, you might be able to win the whole family to Christ!

What are some obstacles that may prevent our unsaved parents or elderly from receiving Christ?

Firstly, it is the bad impression that the elderly have of Christians through their experiences with them. You must be tolerant and show them otherwise. If you listen to many elderly converts' testimonies, they received Christ because of their children who became very filial and caring after becoming Christians. But there are others who do not want to receive Christ because of the bad testimony their Christian children portray.On the other hand, some unsaved parents or older folk make unreasonable demands and expect too much from Christians. Others hate Christianity and seek to find fault with Christians on everything.Whatever the case may be, we have to search ourselves and see if we truly live up to our testimonies, and if we are the light and salt in the family.

Do we help them to see the love of Christ? We must truly love and respect them and be filial as the word of God tells us to do. Unfortunately, most Christians do not have a good testimony at home some are active in church but do not contribute at home. Christians can be very self-centered, stingy with their money and not contribute much to their parents.. You must understand that whatever money you give to your parents, they will save it and anything they have, they will give it back to you. Even though the elderly object to and are critical of Christianity, they do observe us and so we have to be careful of how we conduct ourselves.

Secondly, it is the misunderstanding of the Christian faith due to the differences in education and cultural backgrounds. Many Chinese are disconcerted with Christianity because they think it is a western religion that has come to brainwash the eastern people. It was unfortunate that missionaries from the west came at the same time when the east was facing a lot of political problems with the west. It is regrettable that they linked the two groups together. We can help them to see that Christianity was wrongfully used by politicians who made use of churches and religion to get what they wanted; or it could be a result of a misunderstanding of what has happened.

Be careful when you witness to them. Don't promote, compare or link your witnessing with the west. The Chinese have been hurt in the course of history and harbor a lot of bitterness towards western people. As you witness, (even more so if you are English-educated) do not defend the west and go against or put down the opinion of the elderly as they may perceive it to be a sign of betrayal.

Thirdly, they might have their own religion and consider all religions as similar. But really, the Chinese do not have a proper faith.. Their teachings are from philosophers on behaviors. Do not rebut them on what they seem to understand as religion but help them understand faith which is a personal relationship with God. Forgiveness of sin and salvation are unique to the Christian faith. Jesus came not to teach you how to do good which is, in fact, our responsibility, but to give life. Doing good does not solve the issue of sin, nor does it give you the life of God and reconcile you with God. Untie the knots of their understanding. Talk to them more often and find out their problems. Our negative reaction and behavior towards their traditional values may hurt them and become a stumbling block to them, or send the wrong message to pre-believers.

What should our attitudes be when sharing Christ with the elderly?

1)Learn to listen to them first before you want them to listen to you. Elderly people want attention. They feel and understand affection and obedience.

2)Be sincere, not disrespectful. Let them know you care.

3)Show them that you really love the Lord. If you are not zealous but lukewarm, they will not find a reason to turn to God. But if you are serious with the Lord, it will get them thinking about God. Your walk, love and seriousness of faith are very important in your witnessing.

4) The elderly understand filialness, respect, care, understanding, obedience and willingness to help them. In the book of Timothy, it tells us that if we don't know how to care for our own family, we are worse than unbelievers.. There is an old Chinese proverb "Raise your children to care for the elderly." But in this modern day, it has been changed to caring for oneself. What the elderly want is care and concern. They don't really need your money. Show them love and you have already won them over 50%.

5)Despite how your parents treat you, deal with the elderly with love and sincerity. How you reach out to them determines how you value them.

Can you suggest some guidelines that we should take note of when we are witnessing?

1)Be wary of wrong counseling and behavior.

2)Doing the right thing at the right time is important. The thought may be right but the presentation may possibly be done in an incorrect or unnatural way that may cause them to be defensive.

For example, do not condemn their gods or idols, saying that they are demonic, which would upset them. Indirectly tell them that God is a Spirit, so they should not worship man-made idols.

Explain that evil spirits make their habitation in the things that are man-made, even the cross, hence by praying to idols, one is actually praying to the evil spirits that possess these images. God is a Spirit, thus, Christians do not worship anything that is an image or man-made Christians only worship the Spirit of God, who created man.. When confronted on whether their god is an idol ask them "do you want to pray to the God who created man or pray to the gods created by man?"

Also, if the elderly challenge you by questioning your ability to perform physical feats like body piercing or slicing without feeling pain as practiced in some other religions, explain that God is love, and He doesn't require man to hurt himself in worship this only happens when a man is possessed.

You can use the analogy of how parents love their children and wouldn't want their children to hurt themselves; it's the same way with God.

I used a different approach when I witnessed to my grandmother. I asked her where she would like to go after she departs from this life. She replied that she wanted to be with her husband who had passed away.. I then answered that, if grandpa had loved her, he would want the best for her and if he had accepted Christ secretly, he would be in heaven, but if he hadn't then he would be in hell. Hence, even if he is in hell, he wouldn't want her to join him but rather, want her to go to heaven.

3)When witnessing or requesting pastors to share with your parents, don't rush into it.Slowly integrate in visits and then witness to them.

Some Christians wait till the last moment to share the gospel with their parents who may be in the hospital or on their deathbed. The salvation of the parent then becomes the responsibility of the pastor who has to witness to them at the last moment. If after reaching reach out to your parents for many years and they suddenly accept Christ (possibly at an evangelistic meeting), take their word for it. This might be a one-time opportunity so broach it carefully. Don't question their sincerity or doubt them, as it is already a breakthrough for them. Take them to church, but do not leave them alone with strangers. Be relieved from your responsibilities in church to be with them and make them feel secure.

Share the gospel simply, so that they can understand what's happening. Don't expect them to change overnight even when they receive Christ. Don't confront or accuse them when they do things which are of their former belief. Instead, encourage and teach them gently and give them time to change.

If our parents request that we go to the temple or to the graveyard, should we comply?

It is common understanding that Christians do not worship idols. Even if your parents persecute you, stand firm and explain to them why you can't go to the temple. But you can show your respect to your parents by going to the graveyard, and tidying up the place but not praying to the ancestors or any other god. It is important to draw the line.

From my experience, parents love their children and will not continually persecute them.If someone requests for a sinner's prayer, should we do any formal teaching? It is advisable at this early stage not to confuse them with theoretical jargon or too much doctrine. A simple prayer will do if it is requested. People cannot accept Jesus unless they have a personal revelation that he or she is a sinner. You need to find out if they are clear on what they want when they request for a sinner's prayer.

Any last words?

All of us are responsible for our own salvation even our parents. Let it not become a burden to us and break us down. Salvation is the work of the Holy Spirit. Also, it is not the end when you bring your parents or the elderly to Christ. It is only the beginning. A lot of care and attention needs to be continually showered on them.

Rev Oh Beng Khee is a freelance local evangelist who speaks in Mandarin, Hokkien and Cantonese and reaches out mostly to the Chinese elderly in Singapore. He and his wife Mary have two sons and three grandsons.

(abstract taken from http://www.vantagepoint.com.sg/WinOver_Oh_2008.html)
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