Expectations in Relationships

this pic from jimmyspa.com (奇米）

Someone sends this article to me...

Very often, the expectations we have of others stem from our own consciousness, our own psyche, and have little or nothing to do with the other person.

When we take our own ideals, standards, and values and use them as benchmarks of whether someone is good enough for us or good enough to us, we're bringing unhealthy expectations into the relationship. We then demand that the other person behaves in accordance with these expectations. So when he or she eventually does something that appears to be in deep contrast with the standards we've projected onto them, we often feel hurt, betrayed, angry and confused.

Have you ever done something nice for someone that you expected them to like, but they weren't showing the enthusiasm about it that you thought they might? It was something you would have appreciated someone doing for you, so why didn't they like it?

When we base our perception of our partner using our own beliefs, values and experiences, we're bound to be disappointed. We may then begin to drive our partner away by becoming cold and aloof, unappreciative, selfish and suspicious.

Give it some thought and you'll realise how many different ways your partner shows you that he or she loves you. We need to stop fantasising about how a perfect partner should behave. And we need to stop suspecting that things are not as they are.

Take a moment to think about someone for whom you have developed a set of expectations for. How accurate are the assumptions you have made about this person's feelings and behaviors? Can you see that many of your expectations of them really revolve around you and your own feelings, beliefs, hopes, needs, and desires related to the relationship? That these things have been projected onto them?

this article helps me to reflect upon myself as a spouse ...being a newly married person...you tend to put certian unrealistic expectations on your spouse unknowingly...those married ones out there would understand what i mean lah:P